he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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