i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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