apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
