We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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