Need sex. Gaining weight.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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