you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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