The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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