Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize