so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
