11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
