don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
