ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
