Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
