Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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