i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
As shirtless as possible
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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