i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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