You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
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Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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