Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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