why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
