He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
