I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
