ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
