dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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