My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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