I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
