I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
