This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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