She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
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i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
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Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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