I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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