Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
