he puts the penis in happiness.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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