you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
