For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
