I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
