i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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