Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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