2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
