Where did you get a picture of my penis
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
