just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
