I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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