Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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