Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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