I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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