Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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