I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
