I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
