Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
