My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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