Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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