She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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