I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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