i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
