Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize