Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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