Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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