I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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