If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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