my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize