I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
